Just because one relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean future ones will not work out too.
For this weeks main post I want to talk about relationships.
Relationships are wonderful and can result in amazing experiences but if you’ve experienced a relationship that has turned bad it may have an effect on relationships you have in the future.
The most important thing to think of is that the past is the past. There is no changing the past but you can change your future. It’s up to you whether you let that past negative relationship impact new ones. This can be romantically or in friendships.
A bad relationship can affect many people; The people in the relationship, friends/family and work colleges.
The damage a bad relationship can cause is something which can be quite hard to erase. People develop coping mechanisms to help themselves deal with difficult or upsetting times, which can then result in them not dealing with the emotions they are feeling/understanding why they are feeling that way.
A bad relationship can result in you not being able to express yourself properly, understand your own feelings/desires and feeling restricted. Communication, respect and honesty are key within a relationship and if that isn’t there it can result in resentment, anger and distress.
So how do we make sure that past relationships don’t affect your new relationship then?
The answer is to start with a clean slate. No one is the same and every relationship will be different. When that little voice of doubt starts chattering away to you about everything you are worried about, tell it to go away and talk to your partner. They may even have the same worries as you.
A relationship is between two people, which means discussing everything as a two is the most important thing to do. If that communication, respect and honesty are not there, then walk away.
If you’ve had a bad past relationship then tell your new partner. Tell them everything that hurt you or made you sad. Being an open book is key.
How your behaviour might affect your partner:
Let’s say hypothetically that your previous partner never wanted to go out with you and always tried to get out of going on dates, shopping etc. It’s something that was a big point of contention in your relationship and it was one of the main reasons things ended between you.
Now let’s say that your new partner agreed to go out on a date with you, but they’ve since made other plans that they’re sort of obligated to go through with.
In this situation you might be tempted to jump to the conclusion that your new partner is acting the same way as your old one and get really upset about it.
However, if you step back and take yourself out of your old mindset you might get a bit more clarity. It’s also a good idea to communicate with your partner for an explanation of what has happened.
You might find that they just forgot about the plans they made with you (I know that this may be upsetting too but just explain that to them) and they’re actually very sorry about their mistake. You’ll also find that jumping to a conclusion and then getting angry at somebody for what may have been a simple accident is a great way to make someone react poorly and end up in a fight.
Treating your new partner like they’re your old one isn’t fair to them and it doesn’t really show the respect you should have for them. It’s pretty hurtful and doesn’t set a good precedent for your relationship in the future.
Also. assuming the worst of somebody for whatever reason is pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy. If that person starts to feel as if you’re always quick to think that they don’t care about you, then eventually they’ll run out of patience and might stop. You’ll be proven right and you’ll lose something that might have been a positive force in your life.
Leaving the past behind
Trust that new partner. They are not your ex and they never will be. Every relationship should start completely new, picture a white piece of paper. Untouched and completely plain. The start of a new relationship is the time for filling that paper up with everything wonderful you experience with each other.
To do this you need to take your time and keep speaking. To forget all the bad experiences you went through isn’t a walk in the park but you have got to remember not to beat yourself up about anything. Sometimes things don’t pan out like we think they may and more amazing things are around the corner. You have got to let yourself figure that out.
When you are with the right person you will know it. It will feel so different from your last relationship in ways you couldn’t even imagine. It will get you thinking of why you stayed in that relationship for as long as you did and you will get that sense of regret but don’t let that feeling linger. It does no good for you or your new relationship. Just look forward and continue the amazing journey you are on.
Love, Shannon Leigh xx
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Feature Image by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash